Sept. 6 still seems a long time away.
In the meantime, I've been driving myself insane. Part of me wants to believe this is all in my mind. But the pain seems real. The difficulty swallowing, the hoarseness, the cough, the mucous, the swollen glands . . . they seem real.
My mind is playing tricks on me. I've replayed my funeral in my head a thousand times. I've spelled out my wishes to my wife. I've checked and double checked my life insurance policy. I'm preparing for the worst.
And, yet, it could just be a scratchy voice.
Do I believe that? No. I believe it's the worst possible scenario.
Is it Sept. 6 yet?
In so many ways, I just want to know. One way or the other, the not knowing is more difficult I think.