Friday, August 27, 2010

And, done.

I just completed my second full-length novel. My son and I read the final chapter together last night, and I made the edits this afternoon during my lunch break. I can't believe I finally did it.

And it only took seven years from idea to final word.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

For Sale: KY Warming Massage Oil - Only Used Once.

I'm on fire!

KY Warming Massage Oil should be banned. The label says it's safe for intimate areas.

Whose intimate areas?

Not mine. Not my wife's.

It goes from "this is nice," to "this is pure napalm on my naughty bits" in about a minute and a half. I cried during sex, which my wife thought was romantic and sensitive, but it was really me afraid I was going to be left with a charred nub for a tallywacker. It's like BenGay on your groin. Apparently they did not do enough market research before putting this out for public consumption. Was their test market a sadist and masochist retreat colony?

Have you seen the commercials? They make it sound delightful. What they should show is Mt. Vesuvius erupting and melting the people of Pompeii. Two people sitting on the couch, talking about their love life, CUT TO people running through the streets screaming "MY FLESH IS PEELING OFF LIKE LIQUID SKIN!"

I had a third-degree burn from a motorcycle muffler that felt better.

Not recommended.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Changed my mind

I was going to share an excerpt from Four Dogs, but I decided you'll just have to wait until it comes out to read any more.

That should be in about 20 years.